Even My Cat Thinks I’m Failing – Lessons on a Creative Life
Even My Cat Thinks I’m Failing
Lessons on a Creative Life
Okay, so sometimes I read my book out loud to my cat. Whatever, say what you want, but most of the time, Dorothy Witten is pretty damn supportive. Not so last Thursday. I was especially nervous as I had written a very emotionally risky piece, something I hadn’t done in 200 years or so. So I read it to her and I swear she gave me a look that said, “Really, that’s the best you can do?”
Because I will do anything to distract myself from actually writing, I decided to research disapproving cats. I wanted to see if it was just my cat or if it was happening to cat owners across the country. I found this cat – who most definitely offers her owner a disapproving look often.
And, of course, Grumpy Cat would be a really hard audience.
And so would this dog.
But it didn’t stop there. I found pictures of disapproving polar bears, owls, goats, birds and gophers.
I think the disapproving ostriches were the worst. Three of them. Like they knew definitively that there would be absolutely no audience for my book. That was it, I was done for. Why was I even doing this writing thing?
After about four hours of deep disapproving-animal-picture-research-procrastination with a dash of self hatred I went out for coffee.
Of course, everyone at the coffee shop knew I was a fraud. I was sure they had hated my movie. And the nice man at the frozen yogurt shop thought my last blog post was a joke.
At the end of the day, I was contemplating alternate careers and I realized I was walking around seeking disapproval. Literally. I was more than seeking it, I was expecting it.
And I realized that this was my brain on disapproval.
So, I went back to the cat. (Who by the look of it had been asleep the whole time.)
“Dorothy,” I said. “I’m scared. I’m scared of being vulnerable. I’m scared of exposing my multitude of flaws. I’m scared of revealing so much that it hurts.”
“Excellent” she said. “Cause that’s just about the time that the writing gets good.”